Friday, March 5, 2010

Getting MORE Real...(PART 2)

Ok. So I recognize that I also become a little preachy at times and STILL do not reveal much detail of myself. I may need to be a little more specific in my "transparency" to effectively speak to others in the same boat. So, although my last post opened the window to my soul just a crack, I may need to open it a little further to the point of PAIN so that others may heal.

Here goes:

i suffer from depression and have to take medication for it. (Failure as a Christian? Not enough Faith? or just a broken person who has the courage to recognize it as a disease/chemical imbalance and get help for it)

NOTE: Thanks to Sheila Walsh, author of I'm Not Wonder Woman But God Made Me Wonderful! and other dear people in my life who have given me the courage to speak up about this disease. It's not something I have control over or can just "gut it up" "get over" or "think positive thoughts" to overcome. God MAY choose to deliver me from it and He MAY NOT. In the meantime, I pray, educate myself (and others) and praise God for modern medicine.

i am a poor communicator when talking to others (Good listener? or just afraid to speak up for fear of showing my flaws)

i hate to clean but do so only when someone is coming over

i hate to cook and plan out meals---way too time consuming

i don't enjoy playing with the kids (Candyland, ugh! Barbies, ugh! Uno-- not so much) but i'll do it if i HAVE to

INSTEAD, i spend way too much time on the computer reading blogs & emails rather than doing housework, meal planning, cooking or playing with the kids

i hate crafts

i get nervous in social settings and would rather just be a fly on the wall, unnoticed but observing

i am scared to fly in airplanes ---ONLY GOD got me to Ethiopia & back without a nervous breakdown

i'm lazy....if i can't do something GREAT or all the way, then i don't even want to try--thus my house is always a mess or I end up spending hours and hours and hours getting every dust speck off--All or Nothing! (symptom of perfectionism)

i'm a homeschool drop-out (taught Sonlight Curriculum from Pre-school to 3rd Grade with first 2 kids and then got too frustrated with toddlers interrupting and kids not focusing. I MAY try again with my next 2 who are approaching pre-school age).

i have a temper (but doing much better with self-control lately)

i desire approval of others more than i would care to admit (Let me elaborate: My husband has a prestigious job, is well-known and well loved for what he does, and i sometimes feel invisible and insignificant, having no identity other than being Dr. Pruitt's wife. i want to stand out in my own way and approved of for who I am, on my OWN merit, but I feel it gets a little self-centered at times).

PHEWW!! There, now I REALLY feel exposed, RAW & REAL!

I'm sure there are many more things I can pull out of my "Vulnerability Closet", but my palms are sweaty and I'm not sure if I'll have the courage to press "Publish" if I don't just do it now.

Just know that I am praising God for giving me His Word so that I can put off the old self and put on the new....ever changing, ever growing as I learn to be a Christ-imitator. I'll leave you with this verse & quote that Sheila Walsh highlighted in her book (mentioned above)

"So if we say we have fellowship with God, but we continue living in darkness, we are liars and do not follow the truth. But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God's Son, cleanses us from every sin." 1 John 1:6-7 (NCV)

"When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change, then you will change." --Anonymous



  1. I have to be honest I have chills...God is so cool, and you are an amzing writer.... Let it all out girl!

  2. so well written and I am so happy to see this change in your blog. So I have known you for so long and i don't think i knew you at all. Big Giant Hugs! Thanks for the post. I feel I fall short every day and it is refreshing to hear someone with some of the same struggles. Love Ya!

  3. Hm. I'm an all or nothing person too, so I totally get what you were saying. I've stopped by your house when you weren't expecting me a couple of times and never thought it was messy. Maybe it just seems messy to you because you are a perfectionist? And the truth is, I've always felt a little intimidated by you because I think you are so amazing, Dr. P's wife or not. (heh, I like to brag that my baby brother is a doctor, while me? I'm nothing. ok, so i don't brag about that last part!) I think your lack of capitalization is telling. or at least it makes it feel more raw, I like it.

    And one more thing (because this is becoming a chapter not merely a comment), you always know what to say to me, even though I doubt you know it.

    PS, playing with the kids? who DOES that?!

  4. Go Tanya! I'm completely impressed with you for exposing yourself and for all that you do. I brag on you all the time for how amazing you are as your own person, and as a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter...YOU ARE AMAZING! I strive to be as good a mom as you have been so far with ALL your kids (husband) included. :) The world deserves the REAL & RAW Tanya that I have seen and continue to see and love. (and yes, you posted stuff I didn't know about you either) You go girl!! Love you.

  5. Thank you so much for this post. Thank you for being vulnerable, I would never have guessed at many of the things you listed about yourself. Sometimes I feel like I am alone in those same things. Being more open about ourselves would make us all feel so much less inadequate! So many of are points would describe me as well.

    As for playing Candyland, you have to learn to stack the deck before you start playing so no one goes back to "Mr. Plumpy" just as your near the finish line! LOL

  6. Love it. I'm all for being real too. I also appreciate finding you after years and years and finding that we have so much in common. :) Blessings on you! Thanks for your honesty!