....is something I have just a taste of.
(Disclaimer: I don't usually write about what's swirling around in my head because frankly you wouldn't really want to know or be interested, but I have the need to get this out and "on paper" so to speak. Forgive me if I don't make sense. Another blogger friend Sarah put it so much more eloquently than I ever could, so check out this post, but I thought I would give it a whirl and write down in my own words what I mean).
Let me explain....
Some days are better than others, but MANY days I am slammed with the reality and the question of WHY? Why was I born in America where everything is so readily available, easily accessible, quickly attainable, instantly consumable (you get the point), while millions around the world were born in a place where they can barely survive on scraps. Where having 1 pair of shoes would be miraculous--a Godsend.
Where an occasional piece of meat would be treasured. Where fresh, clean water would be something to rejoice about.
Where a home and a family is only dreamt about in fairy tales. It breaks my heart!! It's NOT FAIR!! What can I do about it? How can I justify all my "stuff-- all my time spent buying stuff, saving for stuff, trying to get rid of stuff, managing stuff, fixing stuff, organizing stuff, giving stuff, etc. etc. when others have NOTHING?!! How can I plan trips to Disneyland (not this year) or trips to the zoo, or piano lessons or dance lessons without feeling extravagant or guilty? My perspective is all skewed. It is so hard to live in America now that I have seen. It is so hard to take my kids to fun places without feeling like that money could go towards saving a life, towards giving the "barest of necessities". How do I live in two juxtaposed worlds? How do I find peace, a balance? Although my husband and I now give more than we ever have to wonderful organizations like Drawn from Water, Compassion International , charity:water(not bragging....really!....), I still don't feel like it's enough! Because it's not. What is God calling me to do, then?
I think God is telling me #1 that I cannot control this situation. I cannot solve world hunger, the orphan crisis, famine, disease, etc. I AM NOT IN CONTROL!! HE is. What He wants from me is a willing heart to do something....anything. To have compassion for those who are poor and needy. To show love. To pray more. To tell others of the need. To not get so bogged down in the world's suffering that I am no good to my husband or kids. To have joy, show joy, create joy for others. To do what I can, but know that He is taking care of it all. He's got it all under control, whether I like it or not. HE HAS A PLAN! His ways are NOT my ways. I can't FIX the world. I can do something, however, no matter how small I feel it is. It is something. Writing this blog is something very small, but it is something. Adopting an orphan seems small, but it is something. Giving to good charities is small, but it is something.
If we all did SOMETHING small, ("micro-giving" as they say at Hope Mongers), the world would change in a HUGE way!
So, I guess I should amend the title from "Survivor's Guilt" to "Survivor's Conviction"---food for thought.
Pray with me:
Father in Heaven,
Thank you for opening my eyes to the needs of the world outside my own little bubble. Thank you for allowing me to be used by You for Your glory. Help me not to try to control things by trying to "figure it all out", by trying to see how I can FIX this world-- thus making me feel so overwhelmed and so weighed down with sadness that I am frozen & ineffective in life. It's not my job to fix it. I know the suffering will not be "fixed" until your Son's return. Thank you for that. Thank you for allowing us a "second chance", a chance to have Eternal Life with You through the suffering of Your Son, Jesus. Help me to spread that Hope of a Second Chance to others. Help me to see the need & act on it, but ask for your guidance and strength every step of the way. Help me to encourage others to do the same. Lord, I ask for healing on this suffering world. I ask for mercy. I ask for peace. I ask for a stirring in fellow believer's hearts to rise up to the injustices, to ACT on behalf of those who have no voice. No choice. No chance at survival without other's help. No one to protect them. No hope without You. Let us be lights for You in the darkness. Help us, Lord. Give us courage & strength to act. Show us where you want us to go. Let us be used by You.
In Jesus' precious name,